The majority of porn use in a marriage is kept hidden from each other. Ultimately, she feels like she is not enough. A husband’s porn use validates all of the negative things his wife thinks about herself. If she only looked different, lost weight, was blonde, sexy, wore better clothes, or fit into the right size are all things that flood her brain, and more importantly, her heart. Women spend a lot of time beating themselves up and obsessing about their faults. It makes her feel insecure.Ī husband’s porn use validates all of the negative things his wife thinks about herself.She immediately thinks something is wrong with her. Here’s how your porn use affects your wife. I’m not intending to make anyone feel guilty, but the effects of pornography watching on our wives are clear.
![wife gets off on porn wife gets off on porn](https://64.media.tumblr.com/03f539392917f6c7d06b137ad6020118/tumblr_pqmvtudoZa1xz9pqro1_1280.jpg)
If we think through and know the end results of our decisions, we tend to make better ones. As I have talked to women and read many stories similar to the one above, I have come to realize why it is so hurtful. I remember being glad I wasn’t him but also not understanding at the time why she was so crushed. That was a story a friend told me about a coworker of his many years ago. He tried calling her back, but she texted him saying she was too upset to talk and that they would talk about when he got home. As she started to cry, she hung up the phone. “Have you been looking at porn?” she said as her voice cracked. She was doing some work on the computer and found a bunch of porn sites in the Internet history. Earlier in the day, he received a call from his wife. We will be working on helping him develop the courage to tell you the hard things he needs to tell you and then hold steady when you rightfully express upset or disappointment.I wonder what he was thinking on the ride home that night. He knows he is not living with integrity and that is painful to him. (This dynamic can be problematic, which I've written about here.) So when you are unhappy with him-like when he breaks a promise -sure it makes for a deeply unpleasant dynamic between you two in the house but it is also a huge blow to his sense of self. You are lucky to have a spouse so attuned to your happiness. His number one priority is to make you happy. He avoids telling you things that he knows will make you upset or disappointed in him.Remember that people always do things that make sense-to them.
![wife gets off on porn wife gets off on porn](https://s-i.huffpost.com/gen/891501/images/o-SECRETS-OF-A-TROPHY-WIFE-facebook.jpg)
![wife gets off on porn wife gets off on porn](https://media2.foxnews.com/BrightCove/694940094001/2019/02/21/694940094001_6005250732001_6005239616001-vs.jpg)
We will be working together to help him figure out not just what he is avoiding but why. Yet his avoidance behaviors are so impressive and so well-honed that he can barely verbalize that which he is avoiding-he just quickly pivots to avoidance behaviors before he is even aware of what he is doing. His not feeling safe may not be about you, so don’t take it personally. He has not been able to show you these feelings because he is not feeling safe. He knows there is a lot on the line and things were said in anger that truly frighten him about his possible future.
![wife gets off on porn wife gets off on porn](http://cdn-webimages.wimages.net/050ca961be7933432435e398c2bb2f993a251d.jpg)
It is clear to me he understands the damage he has caused and feels horrible about it-which is part of the reason his anxiety is at an all-time high these days. His integrity matters to him, you, and me. Breaking his promise to not watch porn again has damaged your relationship.His range of understanding is limited to “ stressed,” “tired,” and “frustrated.” He and I will work on helping him expand his understanding to include many other emotional states, like “overwhelmed,” “resentful,” “helpless,” “ashamed.” and “afraid.” This has direct implications on his sexual decision-making. He struggles to understand his inner life and inner experiences.